Masturbation: Practical Steps to Overcome the Addiction

Dear friend,

I know the difficulty that you are right now. In the heart of your hearts, you know that what you have been involved in, for the past twenty years or more, is wrong. But, you simply cannot overcome the habit. Probably because, the habit gives you the immediate satisfaction you require without any stress or responsibility and the transient relieve you experience after the exercise. These are the outcomes that you enjoy to the points of addiction.

You are also likely to be a victim of a ferocious pastoral criticism. Your pastors have told you how immoral this action is and how you are likely to be condemned in the presence of God for this unholy action. Thus, within you, you suffer the pains of guilty and shame. But, unfortunately, these have not been able to deliver you from this action because you cannot hold yourself from it. I want you to know that there is nothing wrong with you and your behaviour is a normal, biological behaviour associated with humans.

Dear friend, similarly, I would love you to understand that in the pit of sin where you dwell, God’s love and mercy cannot depart for you. You only need the responsibility of reaching out to God, sincerely. Even if you masturbate twenty times a day and you have done this for twenty years, God still looks at you with love and concern because He is your father and can only wish you what is good. Do not condemn yourself in from His presence or lose your faith in Him because he has not given up on you.

I want you to understand that you are not the nastiest person because you masturbate and in fact, there is nothing bad about you. You are just one person who is comfortably spending so much of your time with yourself. And, because ‘yourself’ is a regular companion to you and you do not need any effort to convince ‘yourself’ to behave the way you need it to, you enjoy interacting with ‘yourself’ instead of another person.

I want you to know that it is simpler and healthier for another person to love you and to do what you want him/her to do for you and with you! All you need is to spend a little more time away from yourself and begin to admire and enjoy your environment more than yourself.  Make friends and enjoy sitting out with them and reduce the length of time you spend with yourself.

In sitting out with your friends, avoid dirty discussions. If you friends begin to recount the last sexual encounter they had, politely take excuse from them and leave the group. If you share in these discussions, all that you share with them will fall back on you when you are alone on your bed. If these discussions are predominant among your circle of friends, please, try and keep them at arm length. Or better still, change your circle of friends. You need your mind for something more productive than sex!

Avoid videos that have erotic content. Any music video that creates pictures relating to sex, either in words, dance steps or actions, kindly take them out from your shelf and burn them! Listen more to songs that inspire you to learn, songs that make you relax and songs that give you puzzles to think about. Good love songs can make you aspire to be in a relationship with another person.

Pornography is very dangerous to the mind. It occupies your thoughts and configures your mind to only give erotic interpretation to everything you see, even objects unrelated to sex. It reduces the potency of your creative mind, slows down your academic cognitive abilities and renders you useless!  

If you have pictures of ‘half-naked’ models in your room, please, shred them. Let all the wall arts in your room be geared towards your productive enterprise. If you are a journalist, try the pictures of icons like Dele Giwa; if you are in medicals, try pictures of icons like Ben Carson. If you are into music and fashion designs, please, restrict yourself to decency and avoid alcohol and drugs. They don’t help at all!

If you are a Christian, consider the crucifix of Jesus or the pictures of Jesus, Mary or you most admired saints on your walls. If you are a Moslem, consider the inspiring Arabic inscriptions on your bedroom walls. If you are a Jew, consider inspirational Torah quotes and pictures on your walls. These pictures and religious articles redirect your mind to your creator and builds in you a sense of piety and moral decency.

Avoid the use of vulgar words for fun. Every word in natural language comes with images. And images register faster in human mind. If you use these words outside, when you are alone, the words will play back and you will be aroused. Refer to sexual organs and actions with their scientific names: Penis, Vagina, Intercourse and so on. Avoid replacing them with slang. Its makes referring to them pleasurable.

If you are on a social media platform and you scroll across any picture that is indecent, please, don’t waste more than a second with it and don’t make any comment – good or bad. Simply ignore and scroll along!

Listening to church hymns, and other secular songs that have no erotic content when you are alone can help a lot to distract your mind. If you are on social media, try playing songs along through your ear piece.

Above all, dear friend, pick a passion for yourself – football, creative writing, reading, research, farming, singing, playing instrument, travelling et cetera. This passion will help redirect your energy and occupy your time with meaningful ventures.

In distant relationships, mutual masturbation can never replace sex! If the distance is necessary, create time and meet your spouse. In fact, the distance can help build affection and strengthen the quest for each other. Masturbation will only widen the gap and make each person self-sufficient.

Dear friend, aimless scientists will enumerate all the advantages of masturbation. But in the midst of these presumed advantages, masturbation kills the inner tranquillity that you need to develop yourself because your mind will be blurred with erotics, not to mention sexual exhaustion and week erection that will come with time and the ostensible abnormal preference to stimulate yourself rather than reaching out to a partner.

Dear, in all these, I want to advise you, with the greatest conviction, that prayer helps. When you have taken the steps given above and many others, invite God to lead and He will never hesitate. Overcoming addiction is not a simple course; it’s a process and it will take time. But, try with sincere dedication.

I love you like I love myself!


Idiongo Ebong